Web. Was there a problem with the meal, everything OK? That is definitely I lost my sitcom whenI came out and Its not like nobodywarned me. Curl up and read a good book or you know, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. There were fleas everywhere. I appreciate it. March 16, 2022. It took three years for me to get back ontelevision. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. Ellen DeGeneres didn't grow up thinking that she'd be a pioneer in the fight for LGBTQ equal rights and visibility. Yeah. [crowd laughs] -Why? If youre graduating from college, Im so impressed. One photo shows David sitting in a chair leaning on his white Gibson guitar, while Iman is laid back on a bed* You know I mean, the ladder, we take that for granted. Ellen Degeneres: (07:36) You were helping us for a minute there. I was vegan for 8 years and I really do believe that is great for you. ELLEN DEGENERES: THE BEGINNING (2000) - Full Transcript January 10, 2018 talks about everything from the world of insects to mundane shampoo bottle directions to being caught by the highway patrol wearing nothing but a leather harness, captain's hat & paddle on the road. Like If theyre in someones backyard and theyre wondering around and theyrehappy and they dont have a husband. The show was actually called "These Friends of Mine" in its first season, but the name was changed to avoid . Maybe its right for Ive gardened. Add English on-screen subtitles for videos. She may not be gay anymore, I dont know. You leave the bathroom to go back to yourtable. Like What is Aspirin? Im gonna see what that is, right there,with that because I have to see this and No, I know youre next to me but youre still wrong, even though you caught up. This is This is a true story. Why do you say that to her?. Ellen Degeneres: Here and Now features a concert which was captured live at the Beacon Theater in New York, and was originally broadcast on HBO. Still Oh, thank you. Im full, I ate in the bathroom. [crowd laughs] I gotta get the fuck out of here. See those leaders start to frown Nope, not going well. Even if we dont understand it, it doessomething for something else. Portia Lee James DeGeneres (born Amanda Lee Rogers; 31 January 1973), known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian-American former actress.She played Nelle Porter on the American drama series Ally McBeal (1998-2002), for which she won a Screen Actors Guild Award, Lindsay Bluth Fnke on the American television sitcom Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019), and . Thats some good marketing right there, isntit? I'm bringing back some classic punchlines this week. We know that now. [message sent noise] [crowd laughs] She sends me this. Ellen Degeneres: (02:51) I had a successful sitcom. Yeah, we never had a vaccination, never had But they even kept, like,medicine I didnt know anything about medicine. In the end, everything will be all right. And I thought I'd see you before the show started. Theyre still listing the side effects. Ellen Degeneres: (04:10) Oh boy. Convert your audio or video into 99% accurate text by a professional. Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features. We didnt have a six but we hada nine and a half. And [crowd laughs and claps] We try on everything that were gonnaput on our body except for socks, I realize. Try Rev and save time transcribing, captioning, and subtitling. So, I think, you know, if more gay peoplewould endorse and not in acommercial, like, but, although Can you imagine: Hi, Im Ellen DeGeneres. You might not but you might. And then at the end it says: Ask your doctor if Trulicity is right for you. Its like: I dont even know whats wrongwith them. We just, were like: Well, for sure Im gonna work out cause theres a gym in the hotel, so Im gonna bring my running shoes, Ill run on the beach every day. Mazelel tov, graduates. Im not sure. -Fine. [crowd laughs] They try to be so fancy when you go intothe fine dining. Sit down and eat and pay and leave, right? Dave Chappelle delivers a speech at his prestigious alma mater that reflects on his comedy roots, his rise to fame and why artists should never behave.. Cut to you, sitting at a bar, drunk, in the same outfit the entire time. Update this biography I dont know if I shouldget it. Ask your doctor if Trulicity is right foryou. Why is that my job? Her name is Brenda [Akin-Rambo 00:07:00]. The guest list for the final show. Thats who we are, you know. [crowd claps] If I have a gold bar laying around Ill takethe gold bar. We are all the same and we are all relatable. You say: Id like to try those on a size six. They come out with boxes. Yeah. 2023. Ellen Degeneres: (02:02) The "Ellen DeGeneres Show" is currently in its 18th season and will end after Season 19. She And she has no memory either. You goaround them and show them how they shouldbe driving and then you hit a red light. Id like to speak to the manager. So I get downstairs and my friend isstill down wandering around in thehallway and Im like: What are you still doing here? And hes like: Im lost. And Im like: Ohmy God. How many times have I shown you the frontdoor? Just becausethey knew I was gay. Oh. Its your hand. I did not graduate college. Everything changed. Ill speak with the chef and yes. I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour really. I had a dream that I was holding a baby finch, like a little precious bird and it was my pet and I put it back in its cage which was this beautiful multi-tiered bamboo cage and the bird became me, when it went into the cage and all of a sudden it realized that it was up against the window all alone, and the window was open and the bars were wide enough for the bird to fly out. Its usually a Prius, isnt it? Got birds and Im runnin, yeah, bout a hundred, yeah If you look at the commercials that areon the air, most every commercial is forsome type of medicine, some kind of pill and I dont knowif youve noticed it the medicine commercials The side effectsare so long that the people on the commercial are running out of activities. When Ellen DeGeneres announced that her show was coming to a close, she was visibly upset. It was my senior year of high school. If Im out somewhere and people have a baby Theyll hold it out towards me like, for me tohold it and Im like: This is cashmere, no.. Something different gonna happen in here? 2021 Scraps from the Loft. Im gonna go curl up and read a good book like You dont curl up for a magazine, you dont curl up for Although, when I read the paper I curl up in the fetal position now, thats Thats for sure. If you look up: Birds that dance to music. Youll see,there are so many of them. And before I had that dream I didnt realize I was in a cage. Thats what was wrong because I packed to go on Safari and I looked good. I sure do like her. Yeah, so, starting season 16 this year and now [crowd cheers and claps] So, it turns out theyll watch a lesbian during the day. This was the graduation of the "Katrina Class" that entered in Fall 2005. And Thats when you grow. Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ tWitch 'dies by suicide' aged 40 News Ellen DeGeneres speaks out following death of DJ tWitch UK I loved him with all my heart: Ellen DeGeneres remembers Stephen. These are good. Back that ass up And then I stopped and I was like: Oh myGod this is relatable., People do the bathmat scoot when thebutler forgets to put the towel next to the tub. You know. May is usually the beginning of graduation season. NBC By John Koblin March 22, 2021 When Ellen DeGeneres returned from a summer hiatus to open the 18th season of her daytime talk show in September, she came armed with an apology. I know how important that is. -Well, that comeswith Parmesan cheese. [claps] And then when youre sweaty, trying totake them off Its like Ive never taken one off. Shes your friend, shes my friend. The bar is set pretty low at this moment. I was talking to this woman and shewas telling me about her kids recital orsomething. You know what I mean? And you can seethey have rhythm. So my entire childhood, I never had a vaccination, never had any medicine. I love that phrase. Ellen Degeneres: (05:14) Im And Im kind, Im a good person. Transcribe your audio files to find high-impact insights in minutes. Nobodys worried about talking about dandruff anymore, you know. Birds it turns out, love music. "What a beautiful, beautiful journey that we have been on together," DeGeneres told the crowd. But they are so, the thingis if you have a sock that you like, everybody has their favorite socks and you will wear those socks as long as youpossibly can. Is that the largest popcorn you've got there, that bucket? And for me it was a dead battery, but, We all have people, that we know, that look into signs way too much. Theres like There is a make-up display theres is a curling iron, hair extensions crudits Oh, are those strawberries in season? These are good. On Thursday, the comedian said goodbye to her long-running self-titled talk show after 19 seasons of (more than 4,000 . She started with an announcement to the four million viewers of The Ellen DeGeneres Show: "Goodbye to the resolution to read," she quipped, "and hello to the resolution to be on the front cover of O in '09!" Then the crusade intensified. Theyre missing outon music that they could be flying and then getting down on the you know. It is." 06 of 10. [background song in the video] And then I sent her this. [crowd claps] My favorite expression is, best thing since sliced bread. Really, Is that the benchmark right there? So well, then you can have the chicken? 02:52 PM - 12 May . Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Have you dined with us before? I That could be right for you. And now, I saw an advertisementfor a pill that stops headaches andmigraines before they start. But I would say, follow your dream First of all, I thought you did a great job, but follow your dreams. Ellen Degeneres: ( 00:00) Hi, everyone and welcome. What did we do before the ladder? They So, now everybodys pretty cool with thefact Im gay. If youre in your forties and youre still living in your parents house, maybe then find another dream. Hoe, who is you playin wit? Theres no reason to change them really when they dont get dirty. Thats Theres hair in it already and you just Now, its like, its grown. Yeah. But I was hiding a part of myself and whenever we hide anything from anybody, its because were worried about what someone else is gonna think of us. But you know, so then I grew up going: Oh, celebrities! I guess,everybodys like that but like, I mean, Iwas 16. Yeah, thats very clever and very fresh, and.. Well, thats wonderful hearing thatfrom you. Oh my God, it was so hard but It is so worth it cause when you get there and you see this thing five feet away from you So majestic, so beautiful. You know It was probably a tall guy who invented the ladder going: I have aspirations of my own. Ellen Degeneres: (05:38) Translated on-screen subtitles for videos. She may not be gay. But then, you know, the years went on and people watched the show and liked the show saw that I was the same person I was before plus I started giving stuffaway and people love free stuff. But I really For a few minutes there it really seemed like it was goingwell and I thought everyone in Hollywoodthats closeted is gonna come out after me I pictured like a stampede of wildelephants like every closeted actor andactress in Hollywood But instead, they were like littlemeerkats coming out of their little meerkat closets. Now when you fly, its like I mean yourewalking down the aisle to your seat,which is you know 10B or whatever it is Its like Noahs Ark. Joshua Chenault @joshuachenault1. I just think, it would help if more peoplecame out. I got it right there, thank you. How is that soothing for either of us? Its really working out for me now. DeGeneres says allegations of a toxic work environment on . Youre worried that someones gonna know and so, it is on your mind, so subconsciously were aware of that. Cause Id like it to come out right. Its just so Im filled withanxiety when they come up to the table and they just come up and: And thelady will have? Nobody was in there. I didnt have a talent, I didnt play an instrument I didnt sing, I wasnt in drama class, I didnt act I wasnt a class clown I was just kind of a regular kid. Her stand-up career started in the early 1980s, and included a 1986 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Can you imagine that Thomas Edison is there and the Wright brothers and Is the guy who sliced the bread here? And now, by the power vested in me by the State of California and my friends at Shutterfly, I now pronounce you graduated. She opens the show with an obligatory . Ellen's show experienced a hiatus from mid-December 2020 to mid-January 2021. [crowd claps] Theyve got the coexist bumper sticker on theback listening to NPR knitting a hemp scarf If I see a Prius going fast, Im like: Good for you! I dont know why it is. Goodbye. [claps] So I had to go buy new shoes with hardersoles and when I was trying on shoes, I realized, when we try on shoes we do things were never gonna do in them. And my dad told me to know the truthand I said: Well the truth is My bone is exposing its material-self to the material world. Want to walk it like a dog, yeah tWitch: (08:24) Ellen Degeneres: (00:00) Not from graduation, it was something else. I went through sort of a bad girl phase, Iwas on Aspirin. But I didnt realize that until I had this dream. Ellen Degeneres: (00:47) Im a human being. He said: Well, I mean, your life has changed so much. And Isaid: I know but I still think Imrelatable. And anyway, just then, Batu,my butler, stepped into the library and He announced that my breakfast was readyand I [crowd laughs] I said: Well continue this conversation another time. Is that okay? I have 15 on right now. Thank you. And this side of the table? I was working out like six days a week and then I had a sports injury. I was told that today is Teacher Appreciation Day. If youre graduating high school, congratulations. Yeah. No, but Ive dined in other places before. Ellen Degeneres: (07:31) Actress Lea Thompson supported Garrett's claims by tweeting, "True story. if you lookback at the first season. Ill wanna have a poncho on. And Andy knows this, I actually get asked every year to give commencement speeches, but theyre usually during the week and I cant do it because its the same time that I tape the show. dear Ellen. Thank you very much! Is there a special chicken that youd like to give a shout out to? I mean, I dont know how many people have had a cap in the eye, but I have. Ellen Degeneres: (04:51) Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah. I will, yeah. Mazel tov. These are good, I like these. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Because the birds in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar. -Are you in any pain? Thats Thats my Happy Birthday fist right there. -Thank you. May 26, 2022, 3:58 PM PDT. Makes sense now. I say 10B, does a plane go back thatfar? Youre vegan? One, two a day. I make that statement, six years later, this happens. They dont. And for all of this years graduates, believe me, your best days are still ahead of you. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe tomorrow or the day after that. I had fame, I had money, I had everything that I thought that was important. The writing was already on the wall her contract was up anyway in 2022 . Because players are gonna to play, play, play, play, play. I dont like to waste food. Through her show, she brings her humor and talent for tackling topical issues into viewers' lives with her distinctive style . I said: Well, they werent watchingme at night. Just Hows this gonna go? You can tell its May because people are wearing floral print face masks. Boss died by suicide at a hotel Tuesday, according to a report from the Los Angeles medical . Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah Do you know what Im saying? My publicist,my agent, my manager anyone making moneyoff of me said: Dont do it. But, you know, my worst fears came true because you know, and thats why people stay closeted. If you go to a restaurant, unless itsa vegan restaurant. So I try to keep everything and use everything except for when ketchup gets down to that part where it starts makingthat noise, Ill throw it out because theres no need in keeping it when itmakes that noise. Ellen Degeneres: (02:17) Like: What was my choice? Why do you care where I get my protein? Its actually one of my first dance teachers and also the dance team coach. -Ill get the asparagus. DeGeneres has hosted the Academy Awards, Grammy Awards, and the Primetime Emmys. Cause people do that to me. And in the bad times, remember, they wont last forever. Commencement: common, and cement, common cement. Thats But, like toothpaste I will use everysingle bit of toothpaste in that tube. With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. Hum. tWitch: (06:46) I thought about that too,on the side Good night. If I see theyre not gonna write itdown. Im just gonna look down here and touch that. Make your content more accessible to people with disabilities. I have a good job. Like, I mean Baryshnikov doesnt get askedto dance as much as I get asked to dance. El libro esta en la biblioteca. -Yes, but I got one in the hand and thats worth two in the bush. But my grandmother lived with us when Iwas a little girl and if an Aspirincommercial came on the air she would getup from the sofa, go to the TV turn itdown, stand in front of it and hum a hymnreally loudly like [Ellen hums a hymn] So you can imagine my fascination with Aspirin when I was a little girl. That Im not a dancer. Im not just a spokesperson, Im a gay. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Not bad . Ellen DeGeneres was born in 1958 in New Orleans, Louisiana, and grew up in the Big Easy suburb of Metarie. I dont wanna stop you. Ellen Degeneres: (07:53) Create a better, more engaging experience for every student. -Thank you. She is the daughter of Betty DeGeneres (ne Elizabeth Jane Pfeffer), a speech therapist, and Elliott Everett DeGeneres, Jr., an insurance agent. First one is from 1984 jazzercise class I took. Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web! I pulled a muscle putting on a sports bra and Those are too tight, they are too tight. And I'm like "I'm getting a mammogram. People People used to take Xanax when they werestressed out. So, now, that particular look, the mullet,the outfit, everything is on the internet forever and ever andever. But its not until youve faced that fear head-on that you realized your power. He was like the Harry Styles of 1979. Are there ten I just guessed. And its not about the money. You buy a ladder when youre an adult. Thank you so much for being here,Seattle. Ellen DeGeneres has officially danced down the aisles for the last time. Ellen Degeneres: (06:15) With tear-stained cheeks, Ellen DeGeneres signed off her chatshow for the final time on Thursday, ending a daytime TV juggernaut that had lasted 19 years. Libary Really? I dont know why they insist on doing it. "Ellen DeGeneres" Scripts.com. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now has been transferred to disc in the full-frame aspect ratio of 1.33:1, and the audio has been mastered in Dolby Digital Surround. You dont buy a ladder when youre a teenager. Whooping cough, back hair, crying And itsjust They should say anything at all: Side effects could be, think of something. Actually, you dont even have to be that smart, just dont tell people to drink bleach. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. Yeah, but heres the thing. Thank God, Ellen. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up I was really like, you know, and like I said Do you wanna finishlaughing? I love that expression. Hoe, who is you playin wit? Thank you. I was healthier than Id ever been. And I wantedto understand this. Andy Lassner: (00:24) Directors Joel Gallen Starring Ellen DeGeneres Genres Comedy, Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Subtitles English [CC] Audio languages English Its like Little holes everywhere, you think: Whos gonnato see it? But just in the last year or two for no reason, really. Please, change. And the light doesnt change so theyjust creep up alongside of you. Ellen Degeneres: (07:49) STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Why do you say the hand? This is my second month of quarantine shows. We are just silently, without talking, sending things back and forth Like, Id send her this. [crowd claps] But I do love these expressions. Theres a womanwith a ferret theres a man with a mongoose, theres a lady with a donkey. Shake it off.. 4. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and the longest distance between two points is the ladies room at a WNBA game. Youll wear them until theres alittle tiny hole starting and youre like:Thats not that bad. Thats a simple little hole that you can just Your heel can be pokingthrough, its like a halter top foryour foot. Ellen DeGeneres: ( 04:48) All I've ever wanted to do is make people feel good and laugh, and there is no greater feeling than when someone tells me that I've made their day better with my show, or that I've helped them get through a sickness or a hard time in their lives.