It does hurt and it is so hard to make ourselves understand that it is something out of our control. The textes started to get flirty and very sex heavy. You werent made to last and there isnt much you could do to change that, especially because he doesnt put in any effort. And doesnt see this relationship going anywhere, 1) Usually not. So I have dated now many times in this culture and Im back to square one. She had been dating a guy, and things were going great, when she asked where he saw the future going. It got to be that I was initiating all the text. Is he happy with his ex? At the end of the week, I realized he was disappearing and texted him apologizing for the method of communication but since we couldnt get together that week, and I felt something was amissthat I wondered if he was seeing other people. He returned home and we continue chatting. He seemed very nice, kind of shy. I am a graduate student in behavioral health so I am considering doing my thesis on this subject, just kidding. I told him I was unusually comfortable with him and he said I should be. He just left like that? Hmm, maybe like you, Im a bit more understanding and try to give people a second chance too, even when they have demonstrated the undeniable desire to ride a runaway crashing train to the bitter end. He was sad but understood I wanted more, and he wasnt ready. He doesn't know how to communicate. We dated for 6 months. He has literally dropped off the face of the earth. The next day (V-day) he wouldnt answer my calls or texts but I noticed her posted a snap chat, so thats when it hit me he was straight up ignoring me. 4. People just vanish both men and women. This happened to me too. His loss.. sometimes it seems for women time ALWAYS makes them more emotionally attached and im sure there are exceptions, but for me and for guys i know time will often help you fall out of interest with someone for a whole host of reasons. Another new experience. I really regret that I forgave him the first time he did it. So in my opinion the person who finds themselves left behind should swallow the pride and reach out to ask for the very basic thing they deserve : a conversation, a closure. Thank you for your comment. Im hurt. until he started saying i love you, I miss you,,, again, but I wasnt taking him seriously (I was like is that so? and blabla). We were meant to be spending the day together yesterday (Monday 29th) when I came back from my parents so I called his mobile on Saturday and Sunday night to discuss plans. Were still friends on FB (should I block/delete?!!) Ummm, nice. Hed tell me how he cant believe that this is happening, he would tell me its unreal, he would tell me how beautiful i am, he even told me how much I remind him of his mother. Rabz, Under no circumstance, will you reach out to him, text him, tweet him, call him or have any sort of contact with him..The thing about men, unfortunately is that they love the chase..And they also like confident women who at least seem not to require their reassuranceYou have contacted him enough..Let him get some space, some time to miss your presence..He cannot do it with you constantly reaching out to him..Guys need time to themselves where they can feel like men again..they are not like women who need to close the space, with constant contact..So just let him beTry not to think about himI dont think he was turned off by your looks or personality..But sometimes insecurity can be an attraction killer since the guy feels pressured to reassure the girl over and over again, so it can be a bit draining..so Now you need to step back from your phone, because nothing is going to happen by sitting by and waiting for him to reach out to youHe will come around if he is meant to be with youDont give him anymore importance or time or energyIt is painful when things dont work out, believe me, I have been there over and over againBut losing sight of ourselves is not going to do anything..Yes he is a jerk for losing touch, he is a big jerk for not telling you, but by reaching out to him you are giving him a negative ego boostJust let things run their courseAnd try to open yourself to other guys on that siteI need to take that advice too, though its been difficult to even look at other mens profiles..but you just have to push through your disappointment..By the time he comes around, you will probably have found someone else who respects you for who you are and is not scared off by a few extra textsand you probably wont even want him anymore..so be Kind to yourself, buy yourself a pretty dress, wear some heels, and go out with your friends.You never know, you might meet someone really awesome who will make you forget this guy who you met online.. Thankyiu so much! Days? He even assured her he wasnt going to hurt me. Well sorry to say but that is not a real relationship- if theres any chance in hell the exclusive talk will push this person out of your life youre not a romantic interest, youre an option. I was trying to do things in the right way and not rush to a relationship or label it a relationship, mistakes women often do, and I have done before years ago. At the end of our workout he sends me a text telling me he noticed I painted my toes.. and wanted to see them! One of the easiest new connections Ive ever had. My 7 year old daughter was highly involved as well. He says to have fun. Relationships HAVE to be two-way streets, and believe it or not there are plenty of men around who are ready to offer real love and support for the same. Thanks Moon. The more and more we were together I found myself becoming very attracted to him and thinking that I could even love him. Gradually we talked and long night chats, deep discussion and had loads of fun. This only goes to show that this guy never deserved you in the first place. The man cave is therefore a mean to put things in perspective, an escape route! He seemed like a very reasonable, mature guy and it literally seemed perfect Thing is, everyone talking on this forum about being ghosted has probably done it themselves to others whether you realise it or not!!! On the cheek and saying I had a good night says enough. He was investing a lot of time in getting to know me and although, he knew, my life style was a that someone in his field of work could be so cowardly to just simply say, i am not into this any more. The texts started slowly getting less. I know he had a problem when someone would try and contact me of the opposite sex. Then he told me that it was just getting to much for him, the intense longing of not being able to be with me(long distance) and hated not having control over it. He must really have thought I would text him sooner or later, at least at his birthdays since when as class mates we texted each other almost everyday all day long. I learnt that pretty fast and stopped texting and let him do the chasing! I asked what he thought we should do to slow down to which he said nothing, as it felt natural. Ok so Guys dissapearing on me has happened to me twice in less than 6 months. In his city in a couple Completely blank, not a single word. Im destroyed emotionally. I can move on. She talked very fast and quite a bit, but said she was nervous so thats ok. Only BAD thing about the first date is she is a tiny bit heavier than her pictures (but since she is super gorgeous in the pics she still is plenty gorgeous in person). My situation is very different. I was dating a guy that just disappeared, I am a single mother, but he is a single father, too. I dont think me or any of these women have a problem with him being busyits the cold he blows while being busyno calls no text. 4: Hes just not into me anymore and just poof, vanished because he dont want to hurt me. Since I knew that he is married with two sons and I do not want any troubles, I declined when he offered to meet in real. On Sunday he was in a bad space and we were talking he told me he had to call me back because his ex wife is calling on the other line. So that night the last thing he said to me was a text message saying he missed me and to send him a picture. They disappear without even sending a text and they leave you waiting for them to come back. I was hurt about this and he could see that so he on occasion would stay the night just to make me happy even if it meant he wasnt getting any sleep. Internet, friends, work, etc. They hang out together every now and then but its strictly friends, platonic, not a date, but with sleep overs separate rooms. I know for me, going a week without even a response would upset me. Recognize him for the mean spirited person he is. I refuse to text him. Who knows what could happen in the future. The fact of the matter is some people fix themselves by breaking others!!! And if they refuse to give us what we deserve anyway, we can provide a closure by ourselves like I did. A few hours later, I texted him and said I had a good time and was looking forward to seeing him again soon. Anyway, he said he wanted me in his life and we could try being friends. So am I the bad guy here? I said I find it hard to believe any woman finding this acceptable and he said listen..trust me Ive been through this before (with his past girlfriends) and they reacted the same way. Been dating a guy for 6 months. This is a wonderfully positive viewpoint in trying to dealing with this stuff. Dont beat yourself up over what you did wrong. I just got ghosted by a guy who seemed really into me. Thanks Rachel, although Im a lot older than you, I completely understand what you are going through. I met this guy at his job. We had our jobs and other obligations but in our free time we were always together, either at his place or mine. And yes it will be really painful for us both. Expose him and let him realize that you know whats going on. Its obvious what this kind of guy would choose. I never liked someone so deeply and strongly. My friends husbands all said leave it or if I want true confirmation he isnt interested in me ring. I asked him if we were still seeing each other, he said Im working on some life issues . If he pops up again later, call him out on it. Monday gone I realised that he had deleted me off Facebook I sent him a hello message but he never responded, I am heartbroken and I dont know what happened We didnt end up meeting for dinner cas he also has a friend in the city and also cas he woke up around 11:30 pm so I suggested we can catch up tomorrow and he said his friends here anyways so that sounds better. I tried to be cool and not to annoy him, but I lose my control for days and I did what I did. Anyway first guy told me he loved me, then jetted. He told you he wanted to hang and then never reached out again nor did he respond when you sent him the last message. So after about a week of this he decided to come down and see me, he lives four hours away.we had a great weekend and the chemistry was great, its been along time since I felt this way. Hi, Thankyou for the Blog i learnt its disinterest mostly that causes disappearance mostly. Let him know what you want. I honestly believe that after being with a guy for several months you should at least be able to ask them if theyre on the same page with regards to the future. He made me feel so special and told Good on you for telling her straight up. I asked him severally if he didnt want to be me. This way you at least preserve your dignity. Still, talking without listening is never a good thing. They will not comply with the rules of ethics and decency. When he was leaving, I walked him to his car and he said, I love you. I have to say he was pretty eager from the first date. I read that differentlyI read that as his sister was with the wrong guy, and had she NOT had that conversation THEN, she would have wasted months, maybe years, in a dead end relationship that was going nowhere! All you did here was fail in your attempt to rescue an immature asshole. we seemed to have a ton of interests in common, so we set a first date. I could see he has read messages but didnt bothered to respond. If he dips for a week then yeah, Id say hes not interested. I just wanted to let you know that it was great getting to know you but this is where I draw the line. Anything . I wish the best for you. Usually he will shoot me a text within a few hours at any given time, but now Ive gotten nothing. I have been with someone for three months . Why do you say time will help you fall out of interest? But you can text him if you feel like speaking out of your mind. I get the attention seeker in you Ryan, Thats why I want you to know that I have certain expectations when it comes to dating. Like I never existed and meant nothing. I texted him to tell him I was taking my daughter to the Dr and not to call. Obvs I dont wanna reach out to him and be desperate but he already prolly thinks Im crazy for deleting my Instagram. Avoidance is painful. I still feel insulted and angry, because I really believe he owed me. Things had been fast and intense between us. Your passion on the issue doesnt justify or support your argument. He wouldnt have come up with a list of reasons to never see or speak to you again, and proceed to never see or speak to you again. No man worth anything is going to commit to you. The best thing you can do is NOT take it personally; you think about him a lot while he probably is completely preoccupied with something else- i doubt very much he sits around thinking about not liking you anymore. In the beginning we specifically agreed that if we want out to just say it no questions asked. We had been dating for 4 months and everything was good. He is not the kind of man that stays alone. am really confused please help. You felt it in your gut, called him out on it and he flaked some more. He was so nice to me, always looking out for my safety, appeared honest and genuinely caring but we never really had anything exclusive, although I visited him and met his family in France and he came to visit me for a few weeks the last time in Canada. We continued to talk/see each other and then out of the blue he told me he was in Love with me?! I dont think it makes us look weak, besides what does the guy care? he found my profile on professional network and added me. And stay strong!!! He texted back saying Hi, Im headed to bed now. Easy peasy. We swapped pictures and he seemed really happy with what he saw.. This left me so confused because at a point like this I would want my other half present. We never saw eachother yet and we made plans to see eachother on a Saturday. No response after a month he texted me saying he needs help with some of his school work. He was clearly pulling away. All I could think was WTF! I am actually flabbergasted at how they can act like everything is so normal when both of us know that he is screwing up badWe chatted for a while and I let the conversation trail off and did not pursue it anymore and he went back to his quiet, disappearing self..No word since then, and I pride myself on not giving in to the urge to check on him however casuallySo this is it, I will probably never hear from him, but I think Over the weekend I will be so busy with other stuff that I will be able to get my mind off himKeep yourself busyBuy yourself something pretty, get a new haircut..or indulge in some delicious gourmet icecreamAnything which will stop you from doing something stupid like reaching out to himI keep telling myself and you should doif/when they are interested they will contact usand if they dont they are not worth the importance and energy that we waste on them..Be strong, you deserve so much better :)). (a reply would prove hes selfish and wounded to me) or do I get on with my life, only to wake up each day thinking will he contact me? We didnt argue before the last contact, and I have $4,000.00 worth of (his) merchandise at my place. fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.. He stopped talking to you after two months and having sex with you. Hes not worthy and/or not really into you and not excited to carry on seeing you. He went away on holidays and when he came back I texted him. In other words, he was looking for something casual. Every other advanced monkey on this planet is the same way, and dont let them tell you otherwise. I know that people dealing with family issues can be distant and withdrawn but I just wanted to make sure everything was ok and hes ignoring me completely. Its because he was horny and forgot to jack-off. I have finally got my DVDs back after doing what you just said, bugging & bugging him. If you put up with this behavior, it will be yet another blow to your self worth. (Please dont scream and shout) So we recently made plans to get together a couple of months ago, just a date to see how it goes, Made the date, figured out what we were going to do, and I had to hang up. He offered all his time to me, then poof. We started communicating once again. Childish, clearly he wasnt interested so I sent him a text have a nice life. I know I sound crazy for even bothering to put effort into trying to figure this out, but I love him. I know he is dealing with a a lot but I told him I would support him and ride out with him through it all. Three weeks go by, still havent heard from him, and he finally calls me, but at 330am, sorry but Im asleep. After two month of no contact, I reached out to him again and we got back together and have been back together for nine months. At first, itll be hard to ignore the one person with whom you actually saw a life together but once you realize how he tried to play with your feelings, youll then figure out that its the only right thing to do. After two dates she already seemed pretty attached, but I doubt she knew a single thing about me- she never listened when I spoke and didnt ask me any questions. Now im actually in the process of talking to a guy that I want a relationship with. Is it the holidays or what? I knew he had a big meeting with his boss so I told him I wouldnt bug him until later. It just bothers me so much that he hasnt said NOTHING to me. But then you could always leave something you really dont need there just to see if he cares enough to call you to get it back to you. No reply. I recently was seeing a men that disappeared and reappeared. Now, this advice is really good in the case that the said party does not respond, despite our effort to reach them (only once). We met for coffee that Tue and I felt in my gut that something was different. Stay strong ladies! My instincts strongly tell me its the same guy I met on Tinder. And definitely not if youre over 40. Thank you for making me stronger. Im not the needy type. I just take this as God is preventing me from assholes before I get any more attached to them lol, It was 10 months ago, his answer was suddenly emotionless and official and he told me he will not be at home that time. Try to find someone locally, itll be more rewarding and uhh cough cough real. Conversations nothing too too His excuses for always not calling me, hes always working. I'm disappointed in myself. We seemed to have connected and laughed a lot. So there it is, everything that happened, and my little story about how i was totally dazzled by a beautiful girl i met on tinder, and the magic wore off completely. But I cant handle it again. I realize it was getting to the point where decisions were going to have to be talked about, but I wasnt pushing for that. To use the expression you need to find a grown ass man lol. I asked him one day why he never kissed me and he got really nervous by this question and told me he was scared and nervous and said kissing was ro intimate. I feel within a weeks time he has already met and slept with someone else. He probably went into it knowing he was going to pull the plug when he went home. Did you ever hear back? These are about the only good signs he has giving me along with being flirty but more recently when talking he takes forever to reply and just doesnt finish the conversation. Then bam never heard or seen him again. Last time he texted me, was over a week ago. Every other date went swimmingly up until the 6th date we decided to meet up to watch a hockey game at a bar. The difficulty very often in these cases (which compounds the process) is that most women (myself included at one time) automatically assume hes vanished because he isnt or has lost interested, so react accordingly, which often only serves in turn to strengthen his original point of view. Last year I dated 4 guys. He said I was the only girl who he ever felt protective and jealous over, but didnt want to be together. :( All i can say to anyone in this situation is if you see your relationship heading in this direction, RUN!! Before you text anything back to him, you gotta make sure to get yourself in the right mindset the do NOT take it personally mindset. Nothing flirty. But theres the idea that he thinks I will wait. I am heart broken. Hey just want to share my recent ghosting encounter with you all, what do you think about this dude I was dating?? ), and not heard from him, and leave it at that. (I initiated) the date or hang out went amazingly well. I would see him on facebook but not text me back and I got angry and blocked him. I would bring it up in conversation and he would tell me that he loved me and promise it would be better. Keep your boundaries respected, dont depend your joy on a text, and dont allow him to shake your values with immature gestures. Do not listen to what he says or write listen to his actions instead and listen to what your gut feeling is telling you. But the bottom line is he told you point blank he is not ready to offer you anything so you need to fall back. I dont know. Sunday night I felt that maybe he was embarrassed by not having sex so I sent another text. I am pulling away now since I was pushed away. At first I was hesitant to message him back but, I thought what the heck. another week goes by, I text: Happy Easter. One day he was here and then the next day, he was gone. If he met someone new that was competition for you, since he wasnt officially your boyfriend chances are he would try to hang out with you also- at least for a while, instead of suddenly going cold. As stipulated by law, we cannot and do not make any guarantees about your ability to get results or earn any money with our ideas, information, tools or strategies. Also hes driving his daughter to move to Toronto with her things. But he immediately suggested last Wed night and texted me at 5 pm on wed to make sure we could hang out. Ur amazing! But I just dont understand the no contact thing. Well, he went all in messaging me, saying how he could live with my smile forever, he loved me, we should go on holiday together [we hadnt even gone on a date], live together etc etc..he was so full on I backed off bigtime which didnt put him off at all. I know this day must be hard for you(my dad passed). I cant believe I let someone control me like that and then ghost on me. I had a serious crush 3 years ago on a class mate at high school and he knew I had a crush on him, we became great class mates meaning we hung out only when at school and at class, infact at class we two were inseparable. My question is knowing the background what should I do? Im financially independent and I own my own home, my car is paid off. We made plans for the summer and meeting each others kids. But I was beside myself when I fell in Like with him. I have decided to pull away now since I was ignored. No. (Even though days ago you were claiming how much you love me and couldnt wait to come home to me). This is the last thing you probably want to hear, but this is the truth. Only he knows the exact reason, and only he can give you the exact one. I dont even know what will happen if he wanted to come back. BE A DAMNED MAN AND TELL THE LADY YOU DONT WANT TO SEE HER ANYMORE! But thats not what this guy is going to get. 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Not excited to carry on seeing you deserved you in the process of talking to you feeling.